por Sonya Pendrey
Although I grew up hiking, camping, and backpacking with my father, and began working as a camp counselor at a women-run backpacking camp by the age of sixteen, when I first entered the outdoor education field as my area of study in university and career, I faced a lot of doubt from my fellow, typically white, male, co-workers and bosses. This was extremely difficult for me, as my skills and competence had never been doubted before by my father or bosses who had been women. Feelings of not being good enough and foolish, hopeless even, began to bring me down as the negative external forces slowly crept their way into my mind.
Over time, although I was gaining experience, leading outdoor groups became more nerve wracking instead of less because of the pressure that was now present. I felt that a slip up not only reflected poorly upon myself and made me seem like a ‘silly woman’ who didn’t deserve to be working alongside my male colleagues, but also made all women attempting to gain esteem in the outdoor industry look silly. I didn’t want to misrepresent my entire gender.
Of course, I also had to face the fact that I didn’t quite blend into the whiteness of the industry. Because my heritage is split, half Latinx and half a mix of white, Jewish European, that until someone realizes my curly hair is not a ‘Jew fro’ but indeed a signal of my Latinx genetics, I am ‘white enough’ for them to say racist statements or offensive jokes in front of me. As a method of self preservation, I developed a desensitivity to problematic microaggressions about race and awful pronunciations of words in Spanish by the people around me. I felt I couldn’t speak out, correct their behavior or mispronunciations. I felt shrunken down, invisible, robbed of the empowerment my outdoors skills and knowledge had always provided for me, and undeserving of my leadership position.
“My job became more fulfilling than before, and my mental health and self-confidence recovered”.
Sonya Pendrey
So what did I do? I accepted a job at an outdoor education afterschool program run by a woman who, although she was white, spoke fluent Spanish. She also provided enough financial aid to anyone who applied to her program for them to attend, to the best of her ability. This made her program the most racially diverse in the area. My job became more fulfilling than before, and my mental health and self-confidence recovered.
I will leave you with this: if you see a problem in the industry in which you are working, do not remain compliant! Look for job opportunities that uphold the same values as yourself and dedicate your time and effort to helping them succeed.
